


Cow Tipping

by molossiamerica



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, USUK - Freeform, cow tipping is actually pretty impossible, roxy made me do it, they're nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 08:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7525477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molossiamerica/pseuds/molossiamerica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is the well-known farmer who lives along the outskirts of town. Alfred is the obnoxious, slightly inebriated college student who gets caught trying to tip one of his cows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cow Tipping

It was 11:59 P.M. when Arthur Kirkland jolted, sitting ramrod straight in bed as he tried to determine what had woken him from his peaceful sleep. It was silent in his darkened room, the only noise being the low hum of the air conditioner. A line of pale moonlight streamed in from his partially open curtains, casting a lovely spotlight onto the worn, wooden floors of his bedroom.

"FUCK!" A loud, high-pitched yell suddenly sounded from outside, making Arthur stifle a cry of surprise.

Immediately, the man threw the covers off the bed and rushed to the window, pulling the delicate green fabric back. He peered into the darkness, eyes widening to the size of saucers at the sight of no less than seven flashlight-wielding individuals tromping through the well-tended field where several of his cows were currently grazing. They swayed on their feet, laughing, and speaking much louder than they probably intended to as they traipsed through Arthur's land and toward the nearest cow.

"TIP IT, BRO!" Someone shouted obnoxiously as three of the figures approached one of the cows.

Arthur growled, twisting on his heel. Expression murderous, he trudged down the stairs of his home and to the back door. The voices were still loud, several laughing obnoxiously while one continued to cheer and urge their companions to push the cow onto it's side.

"TRY JUMPING ON IT!" Another voice cried before bursting into hysterical laughter.

Huffing, Arthur snatched the broom away from it's perch against the wall and marched purposefully out the back door, stomping his way toward the group. It wasn't until he was under twenty feet away that someone suddenly let out a cry of surprise, and several people in the group yelled out as well.

"I think someone's there!" Someone cried.

"Holy fuck, that's a person! I'm out!"

"What?! Where?!"

Immediately, several of the people present began to run, hollering into the night as they sprinted in every direction.

"OI! GET BACK HERE, ARSEHOLES!" Arthur screamed, rushing forward in an attempt to catch at least one of them.

Of course, none of them bothered to listen to his angry demands; instead, they seemed to run even faster, making it clear that Arthur's original assumption that they were beyond drunk was indeed false. He skidded to a stop, counting the figures as they frantically rushed to the fence, easily jumping over it and toward the cars parked nearby. One, two, three, four, five, six... Six! Arthur whipped around, scanning the field in hopes that he could still catch at least one of them.

"Uh... Hey." A voice sounded to the right of Arthur, and he jumped, whipping around in shock.

"Where the hell—" He froze, eyes widening.

He hadn't noticed at first, but after taking a closer look, he realized that there was _somebody_ on his cow. Dahlia, the sweetheart, was standing stock-still, waiting patiently for the sudden, annoying intruder to get off of her. Arthur frowned, sharing the sentiment, and approached the animal.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He demanded furiously, glaring at the unrecognizable figure that was perched atop the animal, laying across it.

"Gil dared me to climb on it, and I—"

"Her," Arthur interrupted.

"Oh, sorry. Well, I didn't wanna scare her, so I didn't know if I should jump off and run away or what, so... Yeah. Sorry." They said, sounding a bit embarrassed.

Arthur rolled his eyes and tried to focus on the person's words rather than the sound of their voice. Whoever it was had a distinctly American accent, and although Arthur had often wondered if he was naturally predispositioned to despise Americans, he found this voice to be nothing but pleasant. It was smooth like honey and just as sweet, very much music to his ears.

"Yes, well, you can get off of her now. You're coming into my house with me, I am going to call the police, and you are going to explain to them why you and your merry band of idiots decided to trespass on my property and attempt to harm my animals! What is your name?"

"Uh, Alfr—Wait! No fuckin' way, dude!" The man sputtered as he slid off the cow and turned toward Arthur, towering over the man by at least a foot. "C'mon, don't call the cops! I'll come inside and we can negotiate something, but we weren't here to hurt anythin', swear! We were just—"

"Save it!" The Brit huffed, refusing to be intimidated by the man standing before him. Not only was he tall, but upon closer inspection, he was also incredibly muscular; although Arthur could certainly hold his own in a fight, he was at a disadvantage as it was if a fight broke out. "Now come on, follow me!" He ordered.

"But we were—"

"You can tell it to the officers!" Arthur interrupted, dutifully marching back toward his house.

The man behind him sighed, resigning himself to his fate. For a few moments, the only sounds were the gentle mush of feet against soft earth, leaves from nearby trees ruffling, and various animals and insects letting out little noises. By the time they reached his house, Arthur had calmed down a fair amount, most of the adrenaline that had pumped madly in his veins minutes ago now calming. He opened the back door and ushered the man into the light, locking it behind them before finally turning to face the man in front of him... Only to wish he hadn't.

The man was gorgeous. Knee-weakeningly, brain-meltingly, make-Arthur-stutter-and-gape-idiotically, _gorgeous_. He was standing in front of Arthur, all beautiful golden hair (with one strange, stubborn cowlick in front), perfect full lips, big blue doe eyes behind a pair of glasses, and a sweet suntanned face with lovely freckles dusted across his rosy cheeks.

"Woah," the man said, before Arthur could say anything. "Dude, you're like, hot."

The Brit blinked, all words failing him. His jaw dropped and he stared, incredulous, at the man. After what felt like an eternity of brain-dead staring, he worked his jaw and finally managed to formulate a response.

"D-Don't try to flatter me, I'm still angry and you're still a trespasser. You could have hurt my animals!"

The man floundered. "Wh—Dude, I wasn't tryin' to! Look, we were bored, a little tipsy, and cow tipping seemed like a perfect idea. And I wasn't trying to flatter! Your voice sounded hot in the dark but I didn't think you would be so hot in real life, too! Please, man, don't call the cops. Look, whatever I gotta do to make it up to you..."

Arthur felt his cheeks growing redder by the second, but he didn't let that deter him. "You need to be punished somehow! Trespassing is illegal for a reason, you know!"

"Okay, okay!" The man raised his hands in surrender, but Arthur saw the beginnings of annoyingly lovely smile tugging at the man's lips. "I'll work on your farm or something, dude! Don't send me to jail over it! I didn't even tip the cow!"

"You were climbing all over her!" Arthur insisted. "Stop smiling!"

At this, the man's smile broke into a full-on grin, so bright and lovely that Arthur felt as if he'd been physically knocked back by it.

"Sorry, sorry, I know! It's just—Dude, arresting me for climbing on your cow? Come on. I think _I_ should be arresting _you_."

"Wh-What?! What kind of idiotic notion is that?!" Arthur cried in return. "Why the hell would you have any right to arrest me?"

"For stealing." A mischievous smile was playing on the man's lips now, and Arthur cursed himself for finding it unfairly attractive.

"Bloody—I've never met you before in my life, let alone had the time to steal anything from you!"

"Really? 'Cause I think you just stole my heart."

Arthur froze, thick brows threatening to hit his hairline with how far up his head they went.

"Wh-What?!" He sputtered indignantly after a moment, heat climbing across his pale cheeks to the tip of his ears.

"Hey, do you have directions?" The man questioned, still smiling.

"To—To where? I'm not letting you out of this house before we make some sort of arrangement for you to come and make up for this incident!" The Brit insisted, fuming and embarrassed.

"'Cause I'm lost in those green eyes of yours," the man said, beaming.

Arthur stared, trying with all his might to not dissolve into a pile of mush right there on the kitchen tiles. He hated cheesy pick-up lines, absolutely loathed them, and yet, coming form the mouth of this gorgeous young man, they had the power to compromise any intelligent parts of his brain.

"Are kidding me?!" He tried after a moment, his mouth having regained the ability to function. Now if he could only get his brain to catch up...

The man before him burst into loud, beautiful, uproarious laughter. "Dude, the look on your face...! No, I'm not kidding, you're like ridiculously hot, but...!" He cut himself off, laughing loudly for a moment longer before he quieted enough. "Can a date with you be my punishment for trespassing?"

"No." Arthur huffed.

The man's face fell, blue eyes downcast and smile falling away.

"...I think at least two dates and a day of work with the cows is the necessary punishment for such a heinous crime." Arthur replied, now wearing a smirk of his own.

The man looked up, bounding forward with that incredible grin of his. "Dude, are you serious?"

"Should I not be?" The Brit asked, quirking one brow. "If you don't think that's suitable, I can increase your manual labor to four days—"

"No! Nah, I'm good." The man beamed. "I'm Alfred, by the way. I'm a junior. In college, not high school! I'm gonna be an engineer."

"How old are you?" Arthur asked uncertainly, suddenly worried that he was about to date someone who was barely an adult.

"Twenty-two. What about you?"

"Twenty-seven." Arthur replied, looking a bit nervous. He felt embarrassingly old in front of the gorgeous college student before him.

"Hah! You're old as hell, man!" The man said with a boyish grin. At Arthur's frown, he shook his head and laughed. "Kidding! I still wanna go out with you. I mean, if I can get your name..."

"Arthur Kirkland." The Brit introduced. "It's nice to meet you, Alfred."

"Nice to meet you too, Arthur. Can I pick ya up tomorrow at seven?" The American offered, grinning.

"Y-Yes, that would be fine." The Brit said.

Alfred beamed and walked toward the back door, only to pause and turn around, now wearing a sheepish grin. "Can, uh, you drop me off at campus?"

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, Roxy helped inspire this. 
> 
> Tell me what you think!


End file.
